at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
