sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
