So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
