Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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