goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
