If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
