I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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