oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
