Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
