So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
