I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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