I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
