just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize