I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
