i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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