Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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