you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
