i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
