I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
