You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
