a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
