I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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