i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
