Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
