His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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