so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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