we have pet lesbian snakes
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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