Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
