There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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