Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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