I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
