i would punch a child for taco bell
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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