Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
