my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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