woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
