You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
