Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
