GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
