I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
