Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How's work?
Spinning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
