U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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