Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
