i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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