just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
