I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Farmville is her only friend.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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