you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
