don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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