oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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