He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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