singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
