I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
