nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
