Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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