WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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