dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
