nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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