I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
