I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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