question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
