Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
