Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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