spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
