omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
