my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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