we're chasing vodka with high fives
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor