I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.