my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low