i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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