his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
