i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
