I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
