On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
