when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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