Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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