I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There r osticjed everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
