So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
