and i looked up. we had an audience...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
