the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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