David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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