Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's always time for handjobs
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
