i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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