so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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