If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude. I can hear the air.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
