which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
