I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
